Thursday, April 1, 2010

Jai Ho

I know a six-footer called Ujjwal Choudhary. He also modestly believes he has six abs. Like many others from Bihar, after studying in Patna College, he went to Delhi University, did very well in History, got into the Civil Service, married his soulmate, parented two talented children and then like a missionary patriarch in his autumn, he decided to rattle the apple cart.

Last year they appointed him the Director Investigation,Income Tax, Bihar and Jharkhand. A sure recipe for disaster for those that seek moderate comforts in life. He went to Jharkhand and investigated a former Chief Minister who ostensibly made 4000 crores of the state's money his own and shared it with his buddies. Now which prudent officer in his/her right senses and in Saare Jahaan se Accha would do a thing like that; I ask you? Privileges are meant for the privileged. Common sense. But common sense is not common for this guy. Can you imagine, he wanted to script a fairy tale!

I believe Charles Bronson also gave this tribal Lionel Ritchi moral lessons in prison where he is currently a state guest. Told him what he had done was not good, that the money could have been better used for the development of the state, alleviation of poverty and all that. You know all that postcolonial claptrap about subaltern emancipation. What most people speak but don't mean. But not this chap.He has this bad habit of saying what he means. Very Gandhi like, I was informed.

A few chosen people did not like what he had done. You know things like raiding so many premises of so many patriotic people who were trying to increase the GDP of the country in an alternative sort of way. But like a pedigreed Rottweiler, he just wouldn't let go. And like the padre on Sunday morning, he got these guys to confess to their ill-gotten wealth and collected large sums of money for the state. And some wits declared him Bureaucrat of the Month.

Now some bats did not like this. We don't know who but some safari-suit clad charandaschors took money ( now I'm telling you this in strict confidence) to have him transferred. And some birdies tweet that it happened in the national capital. Oh my! What shame, no?

And the plot was almost successfully implemented. And one journalist who had had one too many of Laphroig at an undisclosed location whispered knowingly: behind every man-made plot, there is a woman. I've been trying to find out the details but you know these whodunnit bits are difficult to unravel and I don't believe journalists. Especially when they have had too much of Single Malt. They malign reputations. Mainly of middle-aged women. And old men.

But the upshot was that a national network of bad zoozoos wearing masks offered 20 crores for this officer's transfer. Now that figure may be subject to some debate but what happened thereafter made India blush. He was transferred.They said, its nothing out of the ordinary, it was merely a regulation transfer.So candidly innocent, no? And that too while he was travelling through the rough and tough terrain of Chaibasa motivating his officers toward the success of their enterprise.

And some bad zoozoos said on video that they had to do this because this big fellow was incorruptible. He lacked soft skills to accept small gifts. Also because if he did, his wife who prefers books to solitaires would not let him come back home. This tells us that behind every unsuccessful man there is also a woman.

Well to cut a long story short, several PIL's were filed in Jharkhand High Court against the transfer. The department could not satisfy the court on the plea of regulation transfer. And the transfer was, sadly for some, happily for others, stayed. A little more of intelligence and a little more of ethics would have saved the departmental wags and wigs the embarrassment but with twenty crows perched on the stem of the money plant, the resistance to temptation was feeble.
With the setback to the bad zoozoos, Tiger Uncle is all set to roar again. Jai ho.

P.S. And when fuddy-duddy examiners ask students to write essays on cliched topics such as Honesty is the Best Policy, even the most logistically dependent will have something to write about. And their abhibhavaks outside the examination halls, willing to risk damnation to sneak in a bit of help, can heave a sigh of relief.


  1. Can things ever change in India........don't know......for me the situation is hope less....!!

  2. Jai ho! It is! This cheered me up immensely on the first day of an Easter Week. Hallelujah!

  3. To hope till hope creates from its own wreck the thing it contemplates ( Shelley's Prometheus Unbound)
    This thing hope is such a bait/ it covers any hook ( Ben Jonson's Volponi)
    For me hope is a tot of Glenmorangie that your friend invites you for over the weekend. It happens occasionally. Saare Jahan se Accha, hope ka rhetoric hamara.

  4. "Saare Jahan se Accha, hope ka rhetoric hamara." The citizens of this country live on the four letter word: HOPE and hats off to Ujjwal Chowdhary and people like him who help to maintain our faith in the system - there is someone who can set things right or at least try to set things right! I know another man apart from Ujjwal Chowdhary- the writer of this blog post: Shanker Dutt.

  5. Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.

  6. But what about those who can't do either? The world is full of them!

  7. Didn't Christ say : The meek shall inherit the earth? In a democracy, the silent majority are the inheritors of peace 'like a patient etherised upon a table'.The best administrative strategy in a democracy is to perpetuate ignorance. And leave Foucault to tear his hair.